Dear Pat....

First, read Pat's review of [that play] here:

http://www.[that website].com/#pat

Next, see her website (for context) here;

http://www.patteproductions.com

Now, read my e-mail to Pat, and tell me if I should send it or not. Probably not, but it felt good to write it. Please tell me I shouldn't send it, because I really want to!!

My e-mail --

hi pat

you totally missed the mark on your review of that production of [that play] at [that theater]. i also saw it on opening night, and enjoyed it just as much as everyone else i encountered in the lobby and at the reception. it seems like the critics got together and decided that anyone who dresses shakespeare in something other than doublet and hose is guilty of "unchecked" and, good heavens, "adolescent" humor!!

the truly avid shakespeare enthusiast will recognize that the bard himself enjoyed the full spectrum of humor, from the potty to the sublime. pampered hobbyists and society-types, however, will inevitably agree with their colleagues, and will spend more time watching and reading each other than they will actually watching and reading the performance.

as for me, i loved [that other production] that these same folks brought us and, though less satisfactory, i thought [this play] was a treat. i think it's great that the works of wm shakespeare can bring different generations together. it seems to me that only an elitist, self-obsessed dilettante could think otherwise. if there wasn't something sexy and bawdy and funny for those "other people," they wouldn't want to come to the theater. shakespeare knew this, and that is why he wrote roles like [the clown]. this whole review just smacked of elitism and privileged boredom to me.

on the theme of generations: i thought that there were a couple of contradictory, if not downright ominous, phrases in your review. here's one: "if a watered-down, dumbed-down shakespeare is meant to appeal to young people, all the references are way beyond their ken." this phrasing seems to suggest that watering- and dumbing-down for young people is ok, as long as the young people get the references.

here's another: "the ‘60s? (young people are) sick of it (sic), and never watched any of those shows (sic?) anyway." this phrase is both a grammar-nightmare, and an insult to young people. it makes one wonder when the author of the review last spoke to a young person to whom they weren't related, or who wasn't a friend of a relation, or who actually lived in a different socio-economic strata -- and wasn't a part of their charity work!

in short, pat, i don't think you actually know much of anything about shakespeare, or productions of shakespeare in the 21st century, or about what people's lives are actually like outside of the narrow confines of your "patte-awards" -- which look something like a menopausal bat-mitzvah (http://www.patteproductions.com), or about much of anything apart from the social up-keep of what seems to be a very boring life. i applaud your use of the internet, but, i'm afraid i must say that i find your contributions to be both unchecked and adolescent. additionally, i wish you well in your future stage appearances. apparently, you've appeared in a community theater production of "the vagina monologues." bet that was good!!

lots of love.


I probably shouldn't send this. Right???

Three Days: Rehearsal Report

A: I don’t think we’re understanding each other.

B: I think I am understanding you, and I think this is bullshit.

A: No. Listen. I’m trying to be honest. I’m trying to – you don’t get it.

B: I get it. It’s bullshit. You’re evading your responsibility.

A: Responsibility? What? No, no. Look, I’m not – I’m not evading. I’m trying to be honest about – I’m trying to get along with you.

B: Well it doesn’t feel that way. I’m feeling resistance from you.

A: It’s not resistance. We’ve only got a week, here. I’ve got to – I’m trying to hold on to what I remember. What makes me comfortable.

B: When you try to be comfortable, you evade your responsibility.

A: That is – that’s – that’s just ridiculous.

B: ….

A: You’re saying that I’m – responsible for chaos. That can’t be right.

B: ….

A: We’ve been doing this for a year – that’s not even right. We’ve been doing this for seven years, and it was always – I don’t know – a laugh.

B: A laugh?

A: It’s been – you’ve enjoyed it. I’ve seen you enjoy it. I’ve seen you laugh. But for the past year – two years – we’ve been misunderstanding each other. I’m trying to find out why –

B: I know why.

A: No, no. I mean I’m trying to articulate why I think –

B: I know what you think.

A: But that’s just it!! You don’t know what I think. I can – I can see it going wrong right as it goes wrong. I can see you misunderstanding – I can see when you get angry –

B: You get angry. You’re angry now. You’re yelling.

A: NO!! I mean – no. No. I mean, I yelled there, but I’m not angry. I’m just frustrated.

B: You don’t respect me. You tell me in a million different little ways. You think I’m stupid. It’s alright. You can admit it.

A: What?

B: You think I’m stupid. Thick.

A: What? No.

B: It’s alright. It’s fine. Probably, I am. The point is, we have to get this thing up on its feet, and we now have – three days.

A: I don’t think you’re stupid.

B: Please don’t make me say that I don’t care what you think. Because I will. Now if you could just do me the common courtesy –

A: Fuck common courtesy. Fuck that, and fuck you. You’re – you’re taking some kind of weird moral high ground here. I didn’t want to even have this conversation –

B: Clearly.

A: -- and I know you didn’t want to have it, and you’re making my life miserable, and you painted me into a corner so that I didn’t have any choice, so that I either had to say something to you or just be miserable forever –

B: You will be miserable forever, regardless of what I say.

A: -- and I was just…trying to be…brave…what did you just say?

B: You heard me.

A: I beg you. Repeat what you just said.

B: I said you will be miserable forever. That is the choice that you’ve made. What I say will have no impact on that choice.

A: I’m not miserable. I haven’t chosen to be miserable.

B: Great.

A: I haven’t.

B: Great!

A: I haven’t, you – you –

B: What? Dumb-ass? Shit? Miserable fucker? Because, lord knows, you could certainly make a counter-accusation there.

A: What? No! I’m not making any kind of accusation. I just want to get along with you.

B: You’re wrong again. You’re playing it safe. Again.

A: I want this as much as you do. As much as anyone does. I want this to be good.

B: ….

A: You make me feel – you imply that I don’t want this to be good. And that’s not fair.

B: I have a child already.

A: What?

B: That was a childish statement. “It’s not fair?”

A: It’s not fair that I get so upset, that I look like an idiot, that I come off like a moody asshole, and you get to take everyone’s sympathy. No, no. You seek sympathy by playing me off as a moody asshole.

B: At least somebody’s playing something.

A: Oh, that is just – that’s – that is exactly what I’m talking about.

B: We are actually doing a play, aren’t we?

A: Yes, but – yes, and --

B: Aren’t we?

A: -- well, yes. What’s your point?

B: My point is that we have work to do. I’m willing to do it.

A: And I’m not?

B: You have been. You don’t seem to be just now.

A: Well, I am. Willing. To do it. But –

B: ….

A: But, I just want you to be nice to me.

B: Come on. “Nice to you?” “It’s not fair!” Listen to yourself.

A: This is – I’m – you’re twisting my words.

B: Bullshit! Those are your exact words. I’m listening. Listen to yourself.

A: You’re trying to over-simplify things.

B: Perhaps that’s best. We only have three days.

A: No, no, no. Now you’re martyring yourself again.

B: ….

A: GOD!! Oh, god, you’re impossible.

B: “It’s not fair.” “Be nice to me.” “You’re impossible.”

A: ….

B: We have three days.

A: -- three days.

B: ….

A: I’m sorry.